Seeking the Next Step

Do you know what it's like to read a verse many, many times - then see it with new eyes and go "WOW!"?  It was the verse Eph 5:11 that blew me away a few months ago.  It came back to me when I was seeking what to do about the scrupulous attorney my daughter had hired to rob me.

            "Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them."  Eph. 4:11 (NIV)

It has been a more than five year battle.  It is one I know I was called to fight.  It is a battle that has taken a lot out of me, added to my stress levels, thus adding to my MS deterioration.

            Over the past few years I have contacted well over a dozen attorneys, written countless letters to people in high-level state offices, lodged ethics charges with the Office of Attorney Ethics in my state, whatever had been put in front of me to do as far as fighting a battle I know I had been called to fight.

            Today as I write this, I am seeking the next step.  What does the Father want me to do next?  He has not released me from this, so I continue to wait for his leading.

I still have questions that no one seems to want to answer.  Questions I have been researching for about five years.  Questions no one seems to want to give me a straight answer for.  Questions authorities contacted to date are unable or unwilling to answer.

What are these questions that seem impossible to answer?  They are:

 

1.      How is having their client lie on the witness stand considered to not be unethical conduct by a NJ attorney?

2.      How is misappropriating, or not properly accounting, for funds paid to their    office considered to not be unethical conduct by a NJ attorney?

3.      How is putting a home up for an illegal sheriff's sale, then having their own real estate trust company purchase it considered to not be unethical conduct by a NJ attorney?

 

Having lived in this state since birth, I am well aware that corruption is far more than a spectator sport.  God's vengeance is far better than anything I could ever come up with.  It seems that I (and a friend) have been called to fight corruption in our beloved NJ.  Now we wait to see who God raises to help me with this war.  So, I continue to wait, to seek after God for the next step – maybe even someone reading this has been called by The Father to walk alongside me as I fight this fight???

Loving My Prodigals

 Loving My Prodigals

Since first learning about it as a youth, the story of the prodigal son has been my favorite parable.  Never could I have ever dreamed that I come to live it.

My three children are prodigals.  Why?  Only they know the answer to that question.  For whatever reason, they have chosen to not tell me.  The only answer I am able to come up with is sin; plain, old fashioned sin.  For whatever reason, they chose to abandon the path of blessing that The Father had put them on when he gave us to each other when he created our family before he laid the foundations of the world.

Surely when they were faced with the truth they would return to their mother.  Surely when the facts were plainly laid out for them in a way that was clearly non-refutable they would realize the error of their ways.  Surely once they saw that the false charges were done away with they would come home to their mother.  Surely when the lies were exposed for what they were, they would return to the home they had been given as an answer to the prayers they prayed when they were in foster care.

No.  They chose a life with no parental love, a life with no parental guidelines, a life modeled after the life of the prodigal son.

How did the prodigal’s father go on?  How did he get up every morning?  How did he go about his everyday life?  How did he handle all those special days – birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, holidays, family events?

I cannot begin to count the number of times I cried, the number of times I begged God to bring home my prodigals.  At times He did allow me to find where they were living so as to send a card.  He allowed me to learn of the birth of my younger daughter’s two children, with her son born on my 30^th wedding anniversary.  He gave me the gift of seeing my son in his high school graduation cap and gown before I was “thrown out” of the venue.  He surprised me with allowing me to whisper “I love you.  I forgive you.” in the ear of my oldest daughter as we walked past each other in our local grocery store.

These, as well as a few other gifts, were given me by my Heavenly Father so as to sustain me as I was forced to move out of our family home, as my MS deteriorated, as my life became increasingly more difficult.  More than these, He gave me the gift of His Word, His promises, His peace.  “For He who began a good work in you, will complete it.”  “He will restore the years the locusts have eaten.”  “Fear not, for I am with you.”  “All things work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose.”  “He has a plan for me, one with a hope and a future.”  …plus many, many more promises were breathed into me as I cried out to The Father.

We do not know how long the prodigal’s father watched for his son.  What we do know is that when the prodigal “came to his senses” and went home to be what he thought would be his father’s servant, from a long way off his father saw him – and ran to him.  This was unheard of in those days.  Not only did the father run to him, as far as the father was concerned his son was home.  His son was home.

I am not able to run, in fact I am barely able to walk, but I am watching.  Oh yes, I have continued to do what I was called to do (math professor).  I have continued to serve God in the places where He has called me to serve.  But more importantly, I am being the mother to my prodigals in the ways I can be until they “come to their senses.”

How can I be a mother to my prodigal children?  Prayer, loving them, leaving them to God in order to allow him to work in their lives, never giving up on them, loving them, seeking after them when possible (e.g. parable of the lost sheep), knowing that God will bring them home at the perfect time, loving them.  I may not have a gold ring for their finger or a fattened calf for a banquet, but what I do have some things with which to welcome them.  Since the day they ran away I have bought Christmas gifts and graduation gifts.  I have taken care of the things they left behind when they ran away.  I even wrote a book telling our family’s story, the story of my love for them.  This is the way given me to tell them the truth when they are ready for it, a way to help others, the way The Father was using my nightmare for our good and His glory.

~ Teri

Waiting for God’s Answers

Waiting for God's Answers

 

A recent message by my pastor reminded me of the four possible answers that God gives us when we pray.  He had mentioned a source, but I was unable to make a note of it as I was making a note of something else.  The four categories are: 1) No, not yet; 2) No, I love you too much to give you that; 3) Yes, I was waiting for you to ask and 4) Yes, and here's more!

 

My recent testimony about how The Father gave me a new home is an example of the first type.  As soon as I heard it, I knew that was what He had done about my years of praying for a home.  It is so hard, excruciatingly hard to wait for God to answer a prayer that one has been praying for years.  This prayer is not completely answered, but He so powerfully gave me a dose of hope that my "Job experience" was close to being over.  It is never easy to wait for answers that take years, even decades, to be answered.  Knowing that He knows how weak, how human, how difficult our lives are gives me the strength to keep going.

 

This, along with the surprise of His providing a vehicle, then making a way for the necessary handicap modifications, gives me the hope I sorely need to know that He will answer my other prayers.  He will be bringing my prodigal children home to me.  He will avenge me to those who have done evil to me.  He will make a way for me to purchase the home I am now renting.  He will keep His promises to me!

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Smitty, attached is my next blog entry.  Teri